Insufferable: A Dark Erotic Romance Read online

  ****

  “Breathe. Jesus, just breathe!”

  Words drifted in and out as I gagged through the water that exploded from my mouth. Every inch of me was prickling with stabbing sensations and my body seized at the recognition. If I felt, I was alive.

  “Oh, God. Yes, there we go. That’s it. Deep breaths.”

  Weight suddenly lifted from my cheeks and colors blurred as my eyelids opened the smallest amount. Just hearing Lydia’s voice brought back our fall. I tried to piece it all together as I coughed through the burning in my throat, but it was such a blur. The twinges within left me frozen from pain and darkness once again began to beckon me home.

  “I can’t believe you jumped. What were you thinking? Why would you do that? And to … turn us like that. To protect me?”

  Her sob had me forcing my eyes back open. “I told you ...” Continuing was impossible. Each word was like a knife slicing through my lungs. My throat was so raw. I wasn’t sure if it was from the amount of salt water I’d ingested, the throwing up, or the impact.

  “I have to get help. I have to leave you for a little bit.” Another sob. “I didn’t think you’d do it. I swear I didn’t—” My resulting moan had her hand reaching toward my face. My lids were so heavy I could barely stay awake. “I’m sorry, Jaime. I’m so sorry.”

  “My … phone. Jacket.”

  Lydia glanced up toward the cliff in the distance, sobbing even harder. She stood, swaying in her sodden gown, before she hobbled through the big rocks filling the beach. She faded out as I fought to keep my attention on her. It wasn’t long before my eyes didn’t reopen. If it weren’t for the pain, I might have been out completely, but it was still there, still making each breath intolerable.

  I tuned into where it hurt the most. My shoulder. It was definitely broken. And my leg. Fuck, I was bad off. I knew that as nausea had me heaving again. The tightening of my stomach was like I’d never experienced before, but that was unimportant. Lydia lived. Whether or not I would was another story. I possibly had internal injuries and there was no telling how long it would take for assistance to get here.

  I tried to open my eyes again, but weakness overtook me. Maybe if I rested for a little it would help. Just for a few minutes. She still had to make it to the cliff, and then return. It would take her awhile. Maybe too long.

  No, I wouldn’t think about that. I would be fine once I healed, but in the meantime… What would happen to Lydia while I was in the hospital? Who would make sure she didn’t attempt suicide again?

  My eyes opened and I took in the gray clouds above. As if on cue, a rain droplet splashed against my throbbing cheek. Fuck, this wasn’t right. This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen.

  Darkness swept over me again and reality blurred out as my mind raced. I wasn’t sure how long I’d been lying there before the sniffling drew me from the nightmare I was reliving.

  “They’re on their way. It won’t be long now.”

  The soft sliding of small rocks had me opening my lids to see Lydia’s worried face coming in, slightly blurry. I blinked, swallowed through the dryness.

  “Call …” I cleared my throat. “Call Sevastian. I need to talk with him.”

  “No,” she rushed out, lowering beside me. “You have to rest. You—” She stopped, blinking through whatever she was going to say. Slowly, she nodded while she pushed buttons on the phone. Her hand was trembling as she lowered it to my ear. The drizzle was steady and I turned my head, witnessing a mass of bruising along her leg. The nightgown she wore was hiked up mid-thigh and the coloration webbing across her skin was sickening.

  “Jaime.”

  Sevastian’s voice had a rugged breath leaving me.

  “I’m in trouble. Double red.”

  Silence was followed by the pounding of footsteps. He was in his office building. I knew the echo and buzz in the background like it was home. “Where the fuck are you?”

  My adrenaline spiked as I tried to push away the significance of what happened. “Ambulance should be here soon. They’ll take me to Portland Hospital. You have to meet me there.”

  “What the hell happened? Talk to me. How bad are you hurt?”

  “Cliff…” What felt like electric sensations zapped through my body like lightening as I tried shifting to feel the true magnitude. “Shoulder, leg, stomach…. My face.”

  “God dammit, Jaime. Why the fuck didn’t you call me?” Deep breaths left him and I knew he was running. “Who is it? Are they dead?”

  My eyes rose to Lydia’s dark blue ones and instinct told me I had to take her out of the equation. At least in her eyes. It would put her at ease and the last thing I needed was her running away when I couldn’t go after her. “No. A woman named Lydia Mills found me. She brought me my phone.”

  “Lydia Mills. I’ll take care of her. You make sure she doesn’t leave your side. I’ll be waiting at the hospital for both of you to arrive.”

  “Thanks.”

  I turned my head from the phone and Lydia pulled it away, looking down at the screen before she ended the call.

  “What’s double red?”

  “My second suicide attempt.” The lie came naturally and I let out a grunt as I tried to reach for her hand with my good arm.

  “Why would you say that to him? Why would you cover for me?”

  Lydia’s fingers slid through mine, but her focus never left my face.

  “Perhaps it wasn’t … far from the truth.”

  My eyes closed again and exhaustion was pulling me back under. Desperation to make sure she didn’t leave was the only thing that left me miraculously hanging on.

  “What set you off?” The last was almost inaudible due to my lack of strength. I tuned into her hesitation, focusing on the way the rain was still falling on me.

  “Have you ever felt like you couldn’t breathe? Like the skin you’re in is suffocating you? Have you ever hated yourself because you were you? I know that sounds stupid.”

  “No.” I took a quick glance at her. Whether it was tears or the rain trailing down her face, I wasn’t sure, but I didn’t have to know to feel her pain. What she spoke was something I’d battled my entire life. “I feel that, too.”

  “You do? How do you do this? How do you live?”

  Her fingers squeezed against mine the slightest amount and I took a shuddering breath. Despite the hurt etched on her face, or the agony I was feeling, her beauty left me momentarily speechless. It wasn’t until she shifted that I blinked through the spell.

  “One day … at a time.”

  Sirens in the background made me feel even more tired for some odd reason. I tried to hold tighter to her hand, but my body and mind were shutting down.

  “Lydia, stay with me?”

  The moment my eyes opened, they rolled back. My head felt like someone was pounding against it with a hammer. Fuck, I hoped Sevastian made it to us in time. I didn’t want her to leave and run off. She wouldn’t live through the night if that was the case.

  “I …”

  “This was my suicide attempt,” I forced out. “Not yours. No one has to know. Or maybe … an accident?”

  My words twisted confusingly with each other and I wasn’t even sure she could understand me. I was leaving again. Whether or not it was for good was the question.

  Chapter 3

  Sevastian

  “Move!”

  Honk! Honk!

  My fist slammed into the horn a third time as I floored my sedan and sped past the car that took its sweet ass time turning at the light. The hospital loomed ahead and I couldn’t make it there fast enough. My heart was pounding and fear had me sweating as I replayed Jaime’s words in my head.

  A cliff. A fucking cliff. What had he been thinking, jumping from a cliff after some woman? Well, I knew, but I didn’t want to face it. I would have probably done the same damn thing. Especially before Diane. At that point, I had nothing to lose. But now, now that I knew what it was to love someone… That shit changed me. I
’d grown softer. Even to Jaime. Aside from Diane, he was all I had. I fucking saved his life back in the day. He was my first slave, and I had changed his life for the better, just like with the others. But if I lost him, especially handing over my title as Master to him, then it would all be my fault.

  No. I couldn’t lose him.

  Honk!

  A growl tore from my mouth as I tailgated the car turning into the hospital in front of me. At the first possible turn into the parking lot, I took it, scanning the area for a space. I could run faster than this shit, and planned to the moment I broke free of the confines of my car. Which didn’t take long. I pulled in and threw my vehicle in park before I could so much as process the action. My mind was spinning, desperate to get to my best friend, even though I doubted they had gotten him here yet.

  I grabbed my phone and keys, throwing my door open. The moment it shut, I was sprinting toward the big red letters that read Emergency. Within seconds, I was bursting through the door, nearly running right over an elderly couple exiting.

  “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” The words rushed out as I tried to right the man who was holding to his wife. But I wasn’t looking at them. I was already scanning the nearly empty waiting room. Mindlessly, I walked toward the window that harbored the clerk. My heart was going to explode, I just knew it.

  A woman looked up, only glancing at me for a moment before she went back to the paperwork before her.

  “My friend is being brought in. He was in an accident. I need to know if he has made it in yet.”

  Shaky. Yes, my voice was trembling from fear. It was so unlike me that I felt my jaw clenching through the defensiveness.

  “Name?”

  “Jaime. Jaime Livingston.”

  The woman who couldn’t have been past her mid-twenties shook her head. “No one by that name has been brought in yet.”

  I swallowed hard, saying my thanks. Slowly, I pulled the phone from my pocket, not even sure when I’d put it there. Diane was my last call and I pushed in her number. She was close with Jaime. She’d want to know.

  “Hey. I was wondering when you’d call. You’re late.” Her cheerful voice made my stomach drop.

  “Diane.” I paused, running my fingers through my hair as I began to pace.

  “What is it? Something’s wrong.”

  “It’s Jaime.” My eyes darted toward the automatic double doors as they opened and a mid-aged man walked in. “He’s been in an accident. I’m at the hospital. He called me. I don’t think it’s good.”

  Shuffling sounds were followed by a jingle of keys. “I’m on my way. What happened? What did he say?”

  The multiple questions were laced with panic and I felt hers as if it were my own. Hell, it was. The three of us were inseparable. How many times had Diane and I gone to the mansion to oversee Jaime’s progress? To have dinner with him and the slaves over time. He’d done such an amazing job bringing them back. He was harsh at times, but so understanding of their pain. And they liked him. Everyone liked him.

  I lowered my voice, turning to make a path across the other end of the room. “He didn’t say much. I’m here waiting for the ambulance to arrive. A woman jumped from a cliff. Jaime went in after her. She’s fine, I think, but he’s not. He called me to make sure I secure the woman once they arrive. Diane,” my tone deepened. “I don’t want you driving so upset. Have Randle bring you.”

  “But I’m already— Fine.” The annoyance was there in her tone, but she knew better than to disobey.

  A ding from the elevator came through the phone and she took a shuddering breath. “How bad? Did he say?”

  My head shook as I went over our conversation. “I think his arm and leg may be broken, but he mentioned his stomach hurting. I worry about internal injuries. I could hear it in his voice. He’s not okay. There was a fear there. It’s worse than he was letting on.”

  “Shit. Shit.” She sniffled and sickness swarmed with protectiveness. I wanted to hold her. To not only comfort her, but to comfort myself. Diane calmed me. She made me think rationally.

  “Try not to get too upset. We don’t know anything yet. Maybe I’m wrong.”

  “Maybe.”

  The sound of her elevator opening sent relief through me.

  “I’m going to call Randle. Give me a little bit.”

  “See you soon. I love you.”

  “I love you, too.”

  I hung up the phone, holding on to Diane’s statement. For minutes I paced. Then, longer. Forever seemed to pass. With every opening of the door, my patience was tested. One ambulance, then another minutes later. What the fuck was taking so long? Something wasn’t right.

  I stalked back to the counter, jolting to a stop as the doors opened once again. I knew instantly it was Jaime they were rushing in. The paramedics were shouting to the nurses who were sprinting forward, but I heard nothing. All I saw was Jaime’s barely visible face as they rushed to wheel him by. Bruising was evident just outside of the mask covering his nose and mouth. Over and over, they squeezed to give him air.

  “Sir, you have to get back.”

  Still, I kept pace. It wasn’t until a hand pressed into my chest that my gaze shot down to the nurse. A gasp left her and she ripped her palm back as if I’d burned her. I knew I’d given her a glimpse of the dark shit I held inside, but I didn’t care.

  “Sevastian.”

  Diane’s voice had me blinking through the rage. I held still, keeping my attention on the nurse. “He’s family. How is he?”

  “I’m not sure yet. You’ll know something when we do.”

  She was already stepping back, and with her departure, the doors closed between us. My jaw tightened while I spun toward Diane. She threw herself in my arms and I held tight as I stared at the entrance where they’d come in. The woman—Lydia.

  I pulled Diane with me while I took in the people in the waiting room. There was no one new. No one that could be her. The doors opened and harder I breathed as I picked up the pace. A dark haired woman was walking toward the parking lot and it didn’t take me long to catch up.

  “Lydia?” I reached out, touching the woman’s arm. She turned, looking confused. “Are you Lydia?”

  “No … I’m Madeline.”

  “I’m sorry. I thought you were someone else.”

  Diane’s fingers pressed into my side and I let the woman continue.

  “There was no woman with Jaime,” she whispered. “I saw them unload him. She wasn’t there.”

  “Fuck.” My growl had her holding to me tighter. “I have to find her. I …” I trailed off not sure what would happen if I didn’t find Lydia soon. Would she kill herself? How would that affect Jaime if she did? He’d risked his life to save hers.

  I grabbed my phone, heading back in the direction of the emergency room. The ringing was answered almost immediately.

  “Boss.”

  I pulled Diane in closer, keeping my voice down. “Go to the mansion and get all the information on a Lydia Mills you can find. I want her tracked down. Now.”

  Chapter 4

  Lydia

  7 months later…

  “Thank you for calling Hilltop Furniture, this is Paige. How may I help you?”

  “Yes, I need an extension on my bill.”

  I glanced at the buttons on the phone, frowning as my hand lifted toward the base. “One moment, please.” Numbly, I hit Candi’s extension, hanging up the receiver.

  Five minutes. Five minutes and I could get the hell out of here and go back home. It was almost laughable. Home. As if my nearly empty rented room could be called a place of residence.

  I grabbed my purse, placing it on the desk of my even more temporary position.

  Why was I still here, pretending to be someone I wasn’t? Going through the motions of living when I was completely dead on the inside?

  I knew why. Jaime. It wasn’t hard figuring out who he was. Apparently he was some big wig at the largest corporation in this city. The accidental fall was all ove
r the papers. At first I had refrained from taking my life only to make sure he didn’t die because of me, but somehow over the months it had become something more than that. He kept me going. Watching this stranger who had risked his life for mine fascinated me. He fascinated me.

  What was a rich bachelor businessman doing watching me? How had he known who I was and what I had planned? None of it made sense. He seemed normal enough. At the beginning, he only left his building to go to physical therapy for his broken arm and leg. He was always escorted by a man and a woman. But then he began going on his own. The casts came off. He eventually started taking small walks. He was lonely. I could see it in his expression. There was such pain inside of him. Had he really wanted to kill himself that day? Did he think about doing it still?

  The questions constantly plagued me. I wanted nothing more than to ask him, myself. To talk to him about who he was and what made him decide to jump off that cliff after me. But it went further than that. Perhaps it was the closeness I wanted. Or even the connection I felt we shared afterward while we were waiting for the ambulance. I couldn’t deny being attracted to him. At first it was hard to accept, but the more time I watched him and went over our tragic moments, the more I felt the longing to go to him. Which was interfering with my life! I didn’t know who I was anymore. Or what I wanted, for that matter. The urges were still there, as was the guilt. But Jaime eased the temptation. Maybe that’s why I was still alive. Possibly even why I hadn’t talked to him. If I did approach with my questions and the need was sated, what would I have to live for?

  Fear. It was back, keeping me from doing what I craved. I was in limbo—suddenly too afraid to kill myself, but too taken over by this longing for death to want to go on. I was sick, plain and simple, and there was no cure for me. Not anything short of chemical dependency.

  “I’m am so out of here.”

  Candi stood from her desk, pulling me from my deep thoughts. I followed her action, grabbing my purse and throwing her a forced smile as I kept quiet and headed for the door. She found out weeks ago that talking to me was pointless. I wasn’t looking for a friend and she wasn’t in need of one enough to waste her time trying to break through my walls. I was thankful she didn’t push. Maybe she could tell I was already on the edge of some major breaking point.